One second is all it takes to change everything into nothing. One minute the weather may be fine and the next it may turn cloudy with dashes of thunder. I felt that exactly when I return home yesterday.

Earlier on, I was so darn happy cause finally there was the date. Two weeks straight I managed with only phone conversations and then the day of the month finally came! We catched on Fantastic Four and Ocean's Thirteen, had some ayam penyet and shopped for his clothes. Its been some time since I made fun of him teasingly and yeah I missed that moment most. When I did just that yesterday, we chuckled our way along orchard rd. It's nice to know now though that we are so comfortable with each other that I just know how to react when he have his moments and he knows how to be in tune with my feelings when I have my moments. These seems almost perfect, if not for his workaholic needs, that puffy red eyes and sore muscles.

he was inside the fitting room

the navy, bright blue and white stripes are his


while waiting for him


bagging in two new shirts that i chose, hurray!

Just as he left me at my place, I was greeted by the news that my nenek sedara has passed away. I was so shocked that all the excitement I felt beforehand drained away from my body as fast as cancerous cells would. I started to cry. She was the only living memory of my late grandmother and now she's gone. The memories of a five year old me, oblivious to the death of her own grandmother came seeping in. At that point of time, I just knew that my grandmother will be away for a very long time and she may not even come back. Thinking about this, makes me wonder if it's more easier that I coped with the loss of someone I love so much at such a young age.

Today, it just pains me so to see all her grandchildren and children grieve for the lost of a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother. I will truly miss her extraordinary spread of foods during eid but one thing I will miss most will be her presence. Now, there will be one person less to call me by my nickname ila. My condolences goes out to her family. I pray that she will be place among the al-mukinins and be granted the blessings from the almighty. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

the crowd at the void deck after solat jenazah


Its time for the casket to be escorted to the cemetery


Arriving at Pusara Aman


May she rest in peace.. we love you but He loves you more

That said, to all the muslim readers who read this entry, please kindly sedekah kan al-fatihah to Sarah binte Abu Hassan. All of your doa's are very much appreciated.

"If there is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone we love very much, its the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best."

.....

and yes, I've not considered the hope of becoming the next loon in town. Hopefully miss songkok singapore?